Do you ever feel like this little butterfly girl on a wheel, being stuck with pins......
I have just been reading the blog of my lovely cousin, Sue, you can visit her at Discombobula! She happened to have a really horrible exchange with a young guy at the station the other day, one of those moments when you want to run away and cry and not face anyone for a few hours! It made me think about the deep hurt and shame we cause each other on a daily basis, the throw away lines said in anger, the cutting words spat out when we feel crap about ourselves and want someone else to feel it too, even if it means making you feel worse in the long run. Why do we do it?
I sometimes feel mad at the world, I know many people do! maybe all of us at some point or other. What scares me is becoming more and more bitter as I get older, letting those hurts of the last 40 years eat me up and make me someone I'm not! I seem to get hurt by the same things now as I did at 10, I thought you were meant to grow a thicker skin as you got older!!
Its made me realise how important blogging can be, to blog and to read other people's. It can change your mood, getting a nice reply, a confirmation that someone thinks you are ok, and sometimes reading about other people's lives makes you forget your own nagging troubles or doubts, or maybe realise you have a lot to be thankful for! I love delving into other people's lives, Im nosey like that :) Yay for blogging!
9 comments:
Hello! The only person who gets hurt by dwelling on old wounds and hurts is you. My Mum used to hang onto things. some days Things still hurt me, like they were new again. And sometimes things happen that make feel like I am 10 again and all those painful feelings flood back. but I shake myself, remind myself that I dont want to feel like that! I remind myself that the only control I have is to decide how to react! It kind of works for me, most of the time!!! I love blogland too, people on the whole are kind and lovely! thank goodness! Suzie. xxx
Awww, thank you darling :)
I think that forgiveness is an ongoing process. I think that there is a space between acknowledging our wounds and yet like Suzie said not dwelling in that space where you go over the same old stuff, like sticking pins in yourself (that a GORGEOUS pic that is!)
I do think though that embracing our wounds is necessary before we can stop dwelling there, somehow. Like, we can skirt around the issue but not really fully feel what happened so that we don't quite let it go.
I do feel sorry for that young guy. It sort of helps to try and understand the intent behind the people who wound us. So easy to do it, isn't it, with sloppily said words and taking your crap out on other people (that one REALLY annoys people. Own your own shit, people - men, I'm thinking of here, particularly Anglo-Australian ones who seem to have giant chips and think the world owes them, like you said.
In the end we just all wanna be loved, don't we. It's a cliche but it's so true.
I can totally relate. It's something I struggle with constanly. Forgiveness is a powerful thing I've found. It really does release you to move on.
No, you are wrong, we just become more cynical because we are also more experienced.
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