Our lovely spider friend...

Alexander, my 10 yr old, was given a book on spiders at cubs recently, and both of us have found it quite interesting. It was comforting to know that most spiders around the place are not too nasty and at the most may give you a nasty painful bite or a bit of nausea.

Two days ago I noticed a really lovely looking spider stretched out among the roses on my front fence. I called to Alex who came to have a look and after close inspection announced the spider was a St Andrew's cross spider...never hearing of one of those I was a bit sceptical until he ran and got the spider book and sure enough there it was!

So we've discovered our new spider pal is a female and makes a gorgeous St Andrew's cross in her web. I have decided to name her after me haha...as Andrea is the feminine (unless you're in Italy) of Andrew.

This morning, after a huge downpour, I was a bit worried that Andrea may have been washed away but my 4 yr old ran to the fence shouting "Andwea is not gone!"

Hooray for Andrea!

here's a photo (sorry to all you arachnophobes!)

letting go

I had a strange dream this afternoon...I had nodded off on the couch while the kids were outside with their Dad and before I knew it lack of sleep had taken me off to dreamland..
One minute I was fine, happy, drifting off and the next I woke up suddenly and started to cry....It was one of those dreams thats almost as real and clear as if it was happening to you in waking hours. I was a child and my Dad had dropped me off at a friends house to play..no idea whose house it was, I didnt recognise it when I thought back over the dream..anyway! In my haste to run off and play I hadnt realised Dad had said goodbye at the door and left to go home, at this point in the dream I could see my Dad's face smiling as he quietly closed the front screen door of this friends house and got in the car to go home.
Next thing he was back at the door to collect me and I was running to him, crying and leaping into his arms, hugging him with all my might...I said "Dad, Im so sorry I didnt say goodbye to you"
Then I woke up.
It wasnt until I went over the dream a couple of times that I realised what the significance of the last line was. I didnt get to say goodbye to him when he died and now 12 years later it can still cause a physical pain in my heart as losing him did 12 years ago.
My shrink ( yes I have one) thinks I have a disjointed feeling at times because I didnt get to grow into being a full adult with my parents still around, he thinks it explains why now at 39 I still get stuck in my own little world of childhood and adolescence...especially when the real world feels too hard to cope with.
Anyway, Ive cried quite a lot today and Ive also laughed with my children...the past and the here and now. Ive really got to try and live more in the latter.

Confessions of a Christmas tragic

I love Christmas! I love the songs, the decorations, the kitschness, the fake snow everywhere when outside it's 40 degrees...I cant stop buying Christmas cd's! Every year I buy a few more and they all end up in my car, so at the moment there is a constant stream of Christmas songs coming from the Cd player!

I love the memories it brings...I love driving my children all over Melbourne in the balmy Summer nights, trying to find houses with more and more lights! tacky yes, fun, yes! last year my kids spent most of their time at a house with a Winter Wonderland theme and every minute or so a big blower thingy would blow fake snow all around them! They loved it!

I love talking to the neighbours as we all wander up and down the street looking at each others lights, and the children run from house to house!

Its funny how I feel almost guilty for enjoying this time of year, should I be more grown up, cynical, Im well aware of all the downsides to being a Christmas tragic, Im a dream to merchandisers, Im willing to part with money for something cute and sparkly! puh...I dont care! It makes me happy, it makes me feel like a kid.......:) Hooray for Christmas!

Today would have been my dear Dad's 76th birthday! Its such an emotional day for me, and it seems to get a bit harder the longer he's been gone. He was my best friend in the world for many years! I remember my Mum telling me that the nurses commented when I was born that they'd never seen such a proud Father when meeting his daughter for the first time. I remember waiting every day by the window counting the minutes till he came home. He had a booming laugh that made me feel good, he smelt of musk lifesavers that he kept in his work jacket pocket, he had big soft hands and beautifully shaped nails, but terribly flat feet and a big nose :) all of it I loved!

I used to worry that something would happen to him from very early on...the thought that Id have to be in this world without him one day would make me cry at night in bed. I loved him more than anything, I still do. But Im still here, even though he has gone, and Ive somehow still wanted to live, even though I'll forver have a Dad shaped hole in my heart.

I miss you Dad, I thankyou for everything and every moment and all your love! Happy Birthday wherever you may be

xxx

Sleep then my princess

I had a memory come to me recently, one I hadnt thought about for many years. I was singing to my 3 year old and suddenly rememberd a song my Mum used to sing to me when I couldnt sleep. She would stroke my forehead and sing these words

Sleep then, my Princess, oh, sleep!

Slowly the gray shadows creep;

Forest and meadow are still;

Peace falls on valley and hill;

Luna appears in the sky,

Holding her lantern on high;

Stars now their night watches keep,

Sleep then, my Princess, oh sleep!

Goodnight!____Goodnight!

Sleep then, my Princess, oh, sleep!

Calm flow the waters so deep;

Soon shall thy weary lids close;

Sink to a gentle repose;

Mother shall leave her Princess;

Heaven thy slumber shall bless;

Angels their watch o'er thee keep,

Sleep then, my Princess, oh sleep!

Goodnight!____Goodnight!

Now I couldnt remember every word at the time, but the trusty internet soon found them courtesy of my search of "sleep now my princess" I then discovered it was a well known Mozart piece called The cradle song or Wiegenlied.
I love the words above, and they used to conjure up magical visions in my head as I tried to sleep.
So I went looking for the song and was really happy to find a gorgeous version by Hayley Westernra, who in my opinion, has the most pure beautiful voice! She does a brilliant version of "Wuthering Heights" the number 1 song in my Top 100 list of best ever songs :)
ahhh Mum, thanks for giving me a lovely memory!

Did your Mother sing to you at bedtime? or any other time?

Did I really make these creatures?

My boys, my darling hearts, my chatting lots when Mum needs peace, angels, My "lets tell Mum at the last minute that I needed a cowboy hat/library book/picture of an occupation for school" babies.

What would I do without your chattering, laughing, screaming, singing selves. I cant imagine what my life would be without you both.

My 10 yr old teetering between childhood and teens, wanting to be cool and accepted but still wanting to watch "Matilda" at any time of the day. My boy with legs that are growing longer and longer by the day, with shoelaces untied and breakfast on your face, you leave me every morning with part of my heart, wishing you happiness and experience and mindfulness of this time of your life.

My 3 yr old, my baby, my sunny boy with the temper of a devil! My kooky one who has spontaneous outbursts of laughter at the strangest of times, my cuddly boy, a little voice calling to me during the day "hug and kiss, Mum?" Yes, of course, anytime, anyplace! hugs and kisses are what I crave, little arms around my neck.

I love you, love you, love you!

Slowing down to Nature

After reading my dear cousin's blog "Discombobula" I decided to do what she suggested and go outside. Ive been trying to make myself leave the house everyday, even when I dont want to or feel like crappola. Just concentrating on a flower or a tree, as simple as that sounds, has been really beneficial for me lately.

First I decided I needed a new non fiction book, so off I went to a nearby op shop, bought a book, and went to the local park with my lunch and said book. Im really liking the idea of going straight to the charity shop when I need new books. Ive seen so many almost new, best selling books on offer, and old well loved treasures that Id probably pay a fortune for at retail book shop. After reading so many blogs lately, many on being thrifty, I really want to try and recycle and reuse! I cant believe some of the amazing things people find, Im becoming addicted to thrift shop blogs! (as you'll see my blog roll is increasing rapidly!)

I try to limit myself to one or two new books, otherwise Im going to end up losing my husband and children behind teetering piles of ex op-shop stock.

Anyway I opened the $1 book, it sounded interesting, "Slow Up, 199 to calm your mind, body, and inspire your spirit" and was pretty much struck by one of the first quotes given in the book. It was by Anne Frank, who is an inspiration anyway. Because of her circumstances I find this quote even more amazing.

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere they can be quiet, alone, with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes people happy, amidst the simple beauty of Nature.

I'm going to go out again today, I think I'll take my little boy to a new park, somewhere with a pond or lake, I feel like watching water...

Cam, Lizzie and me

It was a beautiful day today, one of those days that make you feel content and happy, even if you havent done all the housework you wanted to, or your hair is having a bad day. (both apply by the way)

Cam and I took some books and a drink each and sat on the back decking. I felt like my body needed to soak in the sun, get a fix of vitamin D (it is D isnt it? )

I had been to a couple of op shops and had some books to read, and Cam had his big army jeep, and was chasing Lizzie. Lizzie looked resplendent in the midday sun, her chocolate brown fur catching every beam of light, she looked like she was wearing a very rich velvet coat.

I ended up buying 4 books and a pink spotty bag today...these were all cheap at my local second hand shop. I love spots! so I just had to have this bag. I think it's a nice bag to celebrate Spring. One of the books I bought was an old "BBC Children's Hour Annual" I love the illustrations and stories, all very British, which I also love.

I also added to my Wind in the Willows collection, I now have the grand sum of 4 different editions and 10 in my Wuthering Heights collction. It makes me smile to think of how much I used to roll my eyes at my parents, who collected many things between them, and now Im doing the same thing, cluttering up the house with books and old bits of whatever. Ahh well, its good for the soul.

Lizzie quite liked sniffing all the old smells on the books too, I wonder what she makes of it all.

King Grisly Beard

Today I took the three kids, AB & C to look around some old junk shops and a nearby second hand book shop. This particular book shop has so many books stacked to the celing, you take your life in your hands just walking in the door!

Still, the kids eyes widened as they scooted down a very narrow aisle heading for the children's books! I told them that they could each pick one book under $10, and so they spent the next 20 mins deciding on and then discarding many many books before I told them "pick one now or you dont get any!"

I found a gorgeous vintage children's book called "King Grisly Beard" published by Renwick of Otley. It has no date but Im guessing it's from the 1940/50s. It includes gorgeous pictures by Arthur Mansbridge and another story called The Fairy Horseshoes. I must scan some of the pics and put them on here. I am obsessed with vintage children's books and toys at the moment!

Alex ended up with a 2000 Guiness Book of Records to add to his collection, and Belinda picked a Mr Men activity book full of puzzles. Cam chose a Madeleine book, it's lovely!

After we got home it started to rain which was perfect reading weather so Cam and I curled up on the back couch and read about Madeleine and the dog Genevieve who rescued her from the waters of the Seine. Cam was quite taken with the 12 girls Madeleine lives with.

We then read old King Grisly beard and looked at the pictures of another story in the book called Country life.

I really feel sorry for people who dont enjoy books!

Domestic Harmony

I feel very content with things at the moment, very content with my family, my house, being home. Sometimes these very things make me feel restless. But lately I find a deep rooted peace, a sense of being a boat anchored to something solid even though things in my life and my head sometimes push and pull me about, like the boat above the water.

"I am thankful for a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home.... I am thankful for the piles of laundry and ironing because it means my loved ones are nearby." ~Nancie J. Carmody